i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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