i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
