I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
