Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
