I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm like, not good at living.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
