Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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