Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
