Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
