Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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