I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
