your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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