That's when you crack a 10am beer
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
