I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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