I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
