I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
