I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
