Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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