you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
