i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
