and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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