the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
