is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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