my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
