I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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