So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
