Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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