Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
