Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
