Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
