I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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