I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
