Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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