I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
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Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So vagazzling was a success
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