im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
His nipple licking is glorious
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