I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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