Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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