Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize