flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
