I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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