You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
