I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
