i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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