she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
