what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
