He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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