You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
