i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
