And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
