Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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