i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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