I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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