At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
