you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
