It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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