just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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