Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
