I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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