If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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