I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize