It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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