Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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