How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
