Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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