We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
