i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
