Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
