remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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